Why Adoption?

We have had lots of people ask us this question.  Here is an article that I wrote for our church newsletter (and tweaked a bit for the blog) that gives you a glimpse into our hearts for adoption.  Happy reading!

Our journey toward adoption has been daunting and exciting all at the same time. We worry about paperwork and money and planning, but we can’t help but smile when we dream about what our family might look like.  Lining those dreams up with God’s plans for our family is what this journey is all about.

In high school, Kirby wanted to adopt because he knew his kids would never be tall enough to play basketball. Cara vividly remembers the summer camp she was at when she first heard the command to care for the widowed and orphaned, and the legalistic part of her wrote in the margins of her Bible that she would do this someday. Jaxon cried when we explained what adoption is and told him we wanted to adopt a baby because he thought we were “getting rid of OUR baby Hudson to go to another family.”

Needless to say, our attitudes and motivations have shifted as we have grown more in the realization of what it means to be adopted into God’s family. As Christians we have been bought with Jesus’ blood, adopted into His family, and invited to spend eternity with Him!  Adoption is one way that our family can spread this good news.  Just like we have been invited into the family of Christ, a little baby out there will be invited into our family.  And not because we want this, or feel like we need to do this, but because there is a tug on our hearts to do what Jesus would do.  A quote that stood out to us from our recent study at LIFE group reads:

…Jesus can be the only Hero. We must stand where He would stand on behalf of what He would stand for, not so that we are seen as heroic but so that He is seen as the ultimate Hero in the battle for what is good and right and just.

~Jason Johnson, All In Orphan Care

Will you join us in fighting the battle?  We strongly believe that there are other families reading this blog that will adopt.  Are you one of them?  There are families in this community that will help fund those adoptions.  Will you?  And above all else, there are LOTS of you out there that will pray for the journeys!  How will you help fight the battle?  Feel free to leave a comment and let us know your story.  We would love to pray for your journey!

busy month!

Hi friends!
I am so sorry for the lack of update on the blog...I did not mean to leave you waiting in suspense!  Life has been incredibly busy for us this month.  As the anticipation of bringing our little one home anytime now, the pressure to quickly raise the necessary funds has been looming.  Our days have been full of sewing burp cloths, crafting Christmas ornaments, and preparing for Breakfast with Santa!  And what a blessing each of those projects have been!  In addition to bringing in money, they have brought lots of fun memories.  For those of you interested in numbers (or maybe even looking for fundraising ideas of your own) here is a breakdown of what each project made us: burp cloths = $110 (with more hopefully to come!), ornament fundraiser = $464, Breakfast with Santa = $1,125.  WOW!  And here are a few pictures to recap the fun...

In the midst of all the fundraising, there have been several baby possibilities.  None of them have been our perfect match yet.  I plan to blog on that more later, when my heart is ready.  Through each possibility, my heart has really broken for everyone involved.  Each story has made me more aware that it isn't just a baby--it is a baby, their birthmom, their birthdad, and in many cases, lots of birth siblings.  While I knew that in my head, my heart is feeling it in ways I hadn't anticipated.  Will you pray for those families as you pray for our journey?  Thanks for reading and Merry Christmas!

A special request...

Many of you have asked for specific ways to help with the adoption of Baby LeMoine #3 and up until now we haven't had a very detailed list of things to ask for.  We have been so thankful to all of you who have joined with us in prayer over the situation and everyone involved!  We do feel like now is the time to start asking for your help in a fairly tangible way, so here is what we have come up with:

-Airline tickets.  Although the destination is still unknown, it is likely that we will need to travel across the country with little notice to get to the place our baby is born.  Do you have airline miles you would be willing to let us use for a ticket?  Or would you like to donate specifically to help us fund that cost?  We would so appreciate it!

-Gift cards for food.  Again, the situation is unknown, but it will be likely that we will spend a couple of weeks away from home as we wait for our baby to be released from the hospital and then as we wait for interstate paperwork to be processed.  Money or gift cards for food would be much appreciated!

-Preemie clothes.  We have no way of knowing whether our baby will be born premature, but many situations that we have opened ourselves up to could result in a premature birth.  Do you have any preemie clothes you would be willing to let us borrow if we needed them?  Or would you be willing to buy an outfit or two for us to have, just in case?  We want to be prepared to leave on a moment's notice and are trying to check things off of our list.  

-Money.  This is the kicker!  At the time of placement, we will owe our agency anywhere between $25,000-$30,000.  Would you prayerfully consider donating towards this amount?  Our friends and founders of a non-profit organization called The Moses Movement have offered to collect donationss specifically to be used towards funding our adoption.  These would be considered a tax-free donation and they would provide a receipt for your end of the year taxes.  If you feel lead to donate in this way, please ask for details!  In addition to that, we have our PayPal donation link on the right hand side of the blog that will come straight to us to use for this purpose.  

Thank you for reading through this list of requests.  Please get in touch with us if you would like to help!  Feel free to share with others who might be interested in helping as well!  Would you please pray with us that these needs are met and any anxiety over these needs will be replaced with peace and comfort that the Lord has already worked out the details?  Thank you friends!

Dear Birthmom...

Kirby and I wrote our letter to the birthparents last week.  How do you encompass everything you are thinking and feeling into a simple letter?!  It is definitely not possible.  But we pray that we portrayed enough of ourselves that a birthmom will fall in love with us, over time we will build that relationship, and eventually she will see the part of our hearts that couldn't be put into that letter.  

Dear Birthparent, 

Right now, you are probably making about a million tough decisions every day and there is no easy way to just make them go away.  So, first off, we want to thank you for even considering adoption for your child. We recognize the weight that comes with that decision.  We pray for you often. 

Secondly, we want you to know that we plan on welcoming birth parents as an extention of our family as long as that relationship is healthy and loving.  We want you to know that staying in touch is important to us.  There is great potential for an adopted child to have questions of a birth parent years down the road and we hope those conversations can even happen with you if that is your desire too.  Along the way we want to use letters and emails with pictures as baby steps that hopefully lead to Skype or Facetime interaction if that is a possibility for you.  We are not only open to, but hopeful of, future visits as well. 

Now let us tell you a bit about ourselves and our family.  We have been married for 5 1/2 years and have two sons, Jaxon (4) and Hudson (1).  We are all excited for a new baby in the family!  Jaxon is a GREAT big brother and Hudson even met a 4 month old friend recently and has become very excited about little babies.  Our boys love to play with each other, sneak each other food at the dinner table, and watch movies together.  They can't wait to add a new baby brother or sister to the mix! 

(From Kirby): Cara is a wonderful mom and very patient.  She is gifted with children and that is one of the qualities I noticed first about her.  She wants children to be heard and loved.  She is also passionate about education and has a knack for making learning a lot of fun.  She enjoys cozying up in a blanket with a book and a coffee, while I prefer playing basketball or waching football with a dozen friends, and I like how we balance each other out in ways like that. 

(From Cara): Kirby is such a great guy!  He is a very fun dad-always wrestling, playing ball, riding bikes, or whatever other fun things might be up his sleeve!  He loves people and has never met a stranger.  While we are so different in who we are, God knew what He was doing when He put us together!  I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without him. 

We plan to be very open about how our family will be put together through adoption.  We want our child to know that their birthparents love them and made brave decisions for their sake. 

We have prayed for whoever our baby is, not knowing when or where or from who this baby's journey would start.  We know that choosing who will raise, love, protect, and guide your baby will be a hard choice, so we are seeking to join in this journey with you for your baby.   

Love, 

Kirby and Cara (Jaxon and Hudson, too!)

The same weekend we wrote this letter, we watched a beautiful documentary on a woman's journey to find her birthparents.  Watch it.  It is free on Hulu and WELL worth your time.  Here is the trailer to help pique your interest...

Things are moving FAST!

Things have definitely started moving fast since my last post! Sorry for the delay. Here is a quick recap of the past couple of weeks (er, month) since I last wrote... 

-Our homestudy went GREAT! We definitely would not have been ready without the help of my mom and dad, so huge shout out to them! We had always heard that they really don't care as much about the HOUSE part of it as they do about the FAMILY part of it, and that was definitely true in our situation too. Our social worker arrived and immediately put us at ease! She was friendly, sweet, and we actually know her brother (small town for ya)! She chatted with the boys for a few minutes, and if you know our Little Guy at all, then you know without me saying that he was bouncing off the wall and very excited to meet someone new and tell her everything she needed to know about him! The cutest part about it was when he introduced his "little buddy, his little brother, Hudson." My parents took the boys and she proceeded to interview both of us together for about 2 hours. Then she did individual interviews with each of us for about 20-30 minutes. Lots of questions about our relationship, our relationships with our extended families, our intentions for adopting, how we plan to talk to our child about his/her adoption, etc. Someday I hope to blog in more detail about that part of it all. At the very end she took a 3 minute tour of the house and asked to see our fire extinguisher. Easy-peasy! 

-Our next step was to fill out an Adoption Profile Questionnaire that went into great detail about what and what-not we would be willing to accept in our baby and the situation he/she comes from. This was HARD! We spent a long time one night researching the long term effects of different substance abuse on a baby. There was a long list of substances, ranging from alcohol to cocaine to heroin (and everything in between), and we had to list whether we would be open to the birthmom using those things daily, weekly, or monthly. The next part entailed making decisions on the baby's medical history. Things like depression, schizophrenia, Hepatitis, HIV/AIDS were listed and we had to detail whether we would be open to that from the birthmom and/or birthdad and their extended family. PHEW, lots of emotional toll that night! 

-Next up, we had a call with our Adoption Family Specialist who is our go-to-girl from this point out! She just basically needed to make sure she understood what we filled out on the APQ that I just talked about and understood where we had some flexibility. She is the one who will be trying to help us match with a birthmom, so it was very important that she understood us and what we are hoping for with this adoption. At the end of the call she said we wouldn't wait long... 

-And then, the NEXT DAY we got an email about a potential match! It really took us by surprise! So now, we wait. We wait to see if this particular birthmom chooses our family to raise her baby. How crazy is that?! Will you pray for her? What a big decision to make! 

-In the midst of waiting, we are still working on putting together a family profile which consists of pictures and letters to show to other potential birth families. It is kind of a weird thing to wrestle with. We want to show who we really are and pray that who we are strikes a chord with the perfect birthmom out there. And ultimately, we trust that God knows the exact details of this story, so we rest in the truth of that! 

Thanks for catching up with us! Continue to pray that the paperwork falls into place, that the perfect birth family sees our profile, and that the money needed to continue the process comes in at exactly the right time!

God is GOOD!!!

You guys, I am completely blown away!  Last time I shared an update on our adoption costs we were $1315.00 in the red.  As of today, we are only $86 in the red!!!!  We only need $86 to pay for our homestudy!  Did I mention that GOD IS GOOD?!  I am tearing up just typing this.  There is no way we can thank you all enough for your support.  I have had so many friends jump at the opportunity to host a Thirty One party...thank you!  I asked my mom to help me test out our PayPal account by putting $1 in there and she put in $25...thank you!  One of my best girlfriends from high school and her husband generously donated $250...thank you!  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!  

Financial Update:

COSTS

Application fee:  $195.00

Homestudy application: $1000.00

Fingerprinting: FREE!  We were blessed by our local police station when they did our fingerprints for free after finding out we were adopting!  Praise Jesus for the little things.

Fingerprint processing: $100.00

Child Abuse and Neglect Report: $20.00

TOTAL (so far): -$1315.00

FUNDRAISING

Thirty One Commision: $954.00

Personal donations: $250.00

                                        $25.00

Fundraising TOTALS (so far): $1,229.00

Ending balance: -$86.00

If you are interested in hosting a Thirty One party, please let me know!  These are great bags and other organizing essentials at great prices, run through a Christian led company, and I get 25% commission on everything sold!  If you are interested in giving a direct donation, there is a PayPal link on the far right of this blog page.  Also, please keep reading this blog for information on an upcoming Christmas fundraiser that Kirby, Jaxon, and I are working on!  And again, from the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU!  Would you please continue to pray for our family and our fundraising endeavors?  

 

Little Guy's thoughts on adoption

Have you ever tried explaining ADOPTION to a 4 year old?  Let me tell you, it ain't easy!  I remember a ways back, before we had even ventured into the actual adoption process, asking a group of church friends who had adopted what their advice was in talking with their older children.  When do you start talking about it?  How do you explain how you will be getting a baby without it coming from Mommy's tummy?  How do you even begin to convey the immense love it takes for birth parents to choose you as the family to raise their baby?  So many questions...and to be honest, not a lot of good answers!  Here is a tiny glimpse into our experience...

Once we had begun the journey, we started talking to Jaxon about adoption.  A little bit here and there.  Bringing it gently into conversations.  "I wonder if God will bring us our next baby differently."  "Mom might not grow our next baby in her tummy."  "Our next baby might grow in another mommy's tummy but God might choose us to take care of the baby."  "Sometimes mommy's can't take care of their babies so they choose another family to take care of the baby and have the baby in their family.  That would be neat if we got to do that."  I thought we were doing a pretty good job and was silently patting my own back as Jax began to slowly start bringing those same thoughts into our conversations.  He really gets it, I thought, and he seems pretty excited about it!  And then one night he BURST INTO TEARS and shouted, "I DO NOT want to adopt our baby!"  I couldn't believe it and quickly asked him why not?  "I DO NOT want our Baby Hudson to go live with another family!  I love him TOO MUCH to let him go live with another family!"  My heart broke and I quickly realized that he didn't get it.  He thought when we said we were adopting our baby that meant we were going to give Hudson to a family that was waiting for a baby!  We talked, we assured him we were keeping our Baby Hudson, and we prayed and thanked God for giving us such big love for our family!  Now whenever we say we are adopting our next baby we get a quick and fervent shout from Jaxon, "We ARE NOT adopting our baby!  Someone else is going to have a baby and adopt it to our family!"  

Needless to say, explaining adoption to older children isn't easy!  I recently ordered some books off of Amazon and am hoping to use those to help a bit more.  Reading and talking about the story of baby Moses in the Bible was GREAT!  Any other tips on explaining such a tender subject to such a young mind?  I would love to hear them!  In the meantime, will you join us in praying for our sweet boys and their sweet baby brother or sister?  I pray that the fierce love they have for each other only grows and swells as they embrace a new baby!

31 Days to a Clutter Free Life!

If you know my husband and I, you would know we live life a little bit "fly by the seat of our pants!"  We usually have good intentions to have our lives organized and put together, but when push comes to shove things just start to spin out of control!  This school year has been no different.  I started back to work full-time, Kirby started a new full-time job (which is VERY different from what he was doing before!), both of the boys started with a new nanny full-time, Jax started preschool 3 days a week, and oh yeah...we moved into a new house! CRAAAAAAAAAAZY!!!!  

This week alone, I have forgotten my boys' breakfast in the refrigerator (2 days in a row!), forgotten picture day, and felt like every day is a perpetual Monday where I just can't get my act together.  So, I have decided to try out this 31 Days to a Clutter Free Life challenge from www.livingwellspendingless.com.  Anyone want to join me?  Yesterday was the first day where you just kind of get yourself prepared to become clutter free.  I'm ready for the challenge!

adoption costs

Ready for some real talk here?  Money is a STRUGGLE for me!  And I would even go as far to say that it is a struggle for our marriage (GASP).  The ways Kirby and I approach money and finances are pretty much as opposite as could be!  And, I am so glad God put us together to balance each other out.  The crazy amounts of anxiety I have, paired with his carefree "it will all be fine" attitude, seems to actually work for us!  Coming in to this adoption has been pretty humbling for us both and has stretched us both past what is comfortable.  Kirby has helped me to see how important it is, not to be carefree, but to TRUST that the LORD knows where that money will come from!  I have helped him to see the importance of knowing what costs are coming up and planning to budget for that as much as possible.

Adopting is expensive!  I plan to write a future blog that will help break down the costs and explain where all the money goes, but suffice it to say adoption is not cheap...and we are not rich!  Domestic infant adoptions typically cost anywhere from $20,000-$30,000 and while we are working diligently to save that money, we realize we will never be able to save that much in the amount of time we are expecting it to take to bring our baby home. So, we are humbly trusting God to help us raise that money through different endeavors.  As we continue to ask you to partner with us, we want to be open and honest about where we stand with our finances.  We want you to know exactly what you are helping us pay for as we go.   I also hope that this might someday serve as a help to other families saving to bring their own babies home.  So, here is the breakdown of where we are so far:

Application fee:  $195.00

Homestudy application: $1000.00

Fingerprinting: FREE!  We were blessed by our local police station when they did our fingerprints for free after finding out we were adopting!  Praise Jesus for the little things.

Fingerprint processing: $100.00

Child Abuse and Neglect Report: $20.00

TOTAL (so far): $1315.00

Fundraising totals (so far): $0

-$1315.00

Would you join us in praying?
1. for the finances of this adoption
2. for our marriage us we move through what it looks like to save this huge amount of money
3. for unexpected blessings
4. for the fundraising opportunities that are already in the works (be on the look out for a FUN Christmas fundraiser we have planned to roll out over the next couple months!)

Little Guy is 4!

I am a little late in posting this, but want to make sure to get it out here!

Four years ago, this sweet and spunky Little Guy made me a momma!  It had been the job I had been dreaming of since the early days of playing house with my baby dolls, but way harder and way more rewarding that I ever dreamed possible.  Jaxon came into our lives earlier than we had planned, but clearly the Lord knew what He was doing.  He has blessed (and challenged) our lives more than we ever could have imagined.  As we head into this 4th year, I pray that Jaxon continues to love people well.  If you know him at all, you know that there is not anyone he has met that he doesn't love!  Little Guy has never met a stranger and will make a new best friend anywhere we go--whethere that is another little boy, a college-aged girl, a grumpy old man, a friendly dog, or anything in between!  I pray that Jaxon embraces his intellect and love for learning.  He is a BRIGHT little guy and learning comes very naturally to him.  As he enters preschool, I hope he continues to love and find joy in learning new things.  I pray that Jaxon develops his strong will into something that moves mountains!  This kid knows what he wants!  At his young age, we see this come across in fits of rage and anger when he doesn't get what he wants.  Please Lord, teach him how to use the strong will you have given him in appropriate ways that impact those around him in positive ways.  Some other ways we would describe Jaxon--funny, playful, outgoing, sweet.  Thank you for blessing us with this sweet boy.  We love you, JAXON!!!

Beginning the homestudy...

Phase 1 of our homestudy is done!!!  I know it is only the beginning of a LOT MORE to come, but it is a start.  We sent our first batch of paperwork off...including what felt like EVERYTHING there ever was to know about each of us!  I know this is only the beginning, but it felt like a lot.  We made multiple calls to my parents and Kirby's dad to check on things like our siblings' ages, parents' ages, official occupations of family members, and where we were born.  Yep, that's right folks, Kirby wasn't sure where he was born!  Love ya, babe!  We also got to visit the police station to have our fingerprints taken.  I felt like a dork asking if we could take pictures, but we were so excited to be completing the first "official" thing we needed to get done for our adoption!  Join us in praying the paperwork is processed quickly and smoothly so we can be on our way to being put on the "active" list.

We are expecting...

...and believing and praying for the baby that God will bring our family through adoption!  Our family has recently made the decision to officially move forward with the plans of adopting our next baby and we could not be more excited!  The dream has been brewing in both Kirby and I from long before we even met each other and we are excited that God has chosen now as the time for us to pursue growing our family through adoption.  Join us as we journey towards bringing Baby LeMoine (#3) home!