Mommy Freak Out

"Just stop being so CRAZY and obey me!"  Tears instantly started streaming down my oldest son's face as I literally yelled in his face.  And then tears instantly started streaming down my face.  We quickly looked at each other and he jumped into my arms for a big hug.  

This week has been ROUGH in our house!  An allergic reaction to food dye for our oldest and early terrible twos for our youngest have led to moment after moment of mommy (and daddy) frustration.   To the point that 2 nights ago I proclaimed, "We have got to do something different!  Our parenting is leading to this?!  We cannot do this anymore.  Changes must be made!"  

Mommy guilt is a real thing.  I know I'm not singing a new tune here, but it hit me in a new way this week.  It is times like this I really need to remember to preach the Gospel to myself.  My mothering is not faultless.  My kids are not perfect.  My house is a wreck (have you ever been to our house?!).  My marriage suffers.  Yet when God looks down at me, He doesn't see any of this.  He sees His perfect image reflected in me.  Wow.  When I really sit, think, and reflect on this it seems crazy.  My HOPE is in Christ and is not found in the craziness of my little world.  It's true, people!  Crazy.

Last night, I snapped this picture of the boys.  

They were so happy when I picked them up after school.  We came home and jumped on the trampoline together for an hour.  Jaxon said, "This is like my best dream come true.  I love our family so much."  It definitely doesn't erase the hard times, but it makes them a tiny bit easier.  That's it for the sappy, mommy-blog post.  Join me in praying that more mommies out there fight the guilt and embrace their hope in Christ.  Happy Thursday.

Big Brothers!

Wondering what the boys are thinking about being big brothers???

Hahaha!  In all seriousness, they are super excited!  Well, at least Jax is...and we tell ourselves that Hudson is (even though he can't quite communicate that with us yet).  When we found out we were pregnant with Hudson, Jaxon was convinced he was getting a little sister.  So much so that he convinced most of us that there was indeed a little girl on the way.  We didn't find out the gender of the baby, but we all felt pretty sure that it was a girl.  Needless to say, it took a little bit of adjusting to when Hudson popped out and was actually a boy!!!  This time around, he was a little bit smarter about things and would make comments like, "I know God is the only one who really knows if I am getting a sister or a brother, but I REALLY hope he gives me a sister!"  Here was his reaction to finding out he really does have a baby sister on the way...

Thanks for praying for Baby Girl!  Would you add her big brothers to the prayer list?  They will have quite a bit of adjusting to get used to here in a couple months :)

Little Guy's thoughts on adoption

Have you ever tried explaining ADOPTION to a 4 year old?  Let me tell you, it ain't easy!  I remember a ways back, before we had even ventured into the actual adoption process, asking a group of church friends who had adopted what their advice was in talking with their older children.  When do you start talking about it?  How do you explain how you will be getting a baby without it coming from Mommy's tummy?  How do you even begin to convey the immense love it takes for birth parents to choose you as the family to raise their baby?  So many questions...and to be honest, not a lot of good answers!  Here is a tiny glimpse into our experience...

Once we had begun the journey, we started talking to Jaxon about adoption.  A little bit here and there.  Bringing it gently into conversations.  "I wonder if God will bring us our next baby differently."  "Mom might not grow our next baby in her tummy."  "Our next baby might grow in another mommy's tummy but God might choose us to take care of the baby."  "Sometimes mommy's can't take care of their babies so they choose another family to take care of the baby and have the baby in their family.  That would be neat if we got to do that."  I thought we were doing a pretty good job and was silently patting my own back as Jax began to slowly start bringing those same thoughts into our conversations.  He really gets it, I thought, and he seems pretty excited about it!  And then one night he BURST INTO TEARS and shouted, "I DO NOT want to adopt our baby!"  I couldn't believe it and quickly asked him why not?  "I DO NOT want our Baby Hudson to go live with another family!  I love him TOO MUCH to let him go live with another family!"  My heart broke and I quickly realized that he didn't get it.  He thought when we said we were adopting our baby that meant we were going to give Hudson to a family that was waiting for a baby!  We talked, we assured him we were keeping our Baby Hudson, and we prayed and thanked God for giving us such big love for our family!  Now whenever we say we are adopting our next baby we get a quick and fervent shout from Jaxon, "We ARE NOT adopting our baby!  Someone else is going to have a baby and adopt it to our family!"  

Needless to say, explaining adoption to older children isn't easy!  I recently ordered some books off of Amazon and am hoping to use those to help a bit more.  Reading and talking about the story of baby Moses in the Bible was GREAT!  Any other tips on explaining such a tender subject to such a young mind?  I would love to hear them!  In the meantime, will you join us in praying for our sweet boys and their sweet baby brother or sister?  I pray that the fierce love they have for each other only grows and swells as they embrace a new baby!