Mommy Freak Out

"Just stop being so CRAZY and obey me!"  Tears instantly started streaming down my oldest son's face as I literally yelled in his face.  And then tears instantly started streaming down my face.  We quickly looked at each other and he jumped into my arms for a big hug.  

This week has been ROUGH in our house!  An allergic reaction to food dye for our oldest and early terrible twos for our youngest have led to moment after moment of mommy (and daddy) frustration.   To the point that 2 nights ago I proclaimed, "We have got to do something different!  Our parenting is leading to this?!  We cannot do this anymore.  Changes must be made!"  

Mommy guilt is a real thing.  I know I'm not singing a new tune here, but it hit me in a new way this week.  It is times like this I really need to remember to preach the Gospel to myself.  My mothering is not faultless.  My kids are not perfect.  My house is a wreck (have you ever been to our house?!).  My marriage suffers.  Yet when God looks down at me, He doesn't see any of this.  He sees His perfect image reflected in me.  Wow.  When I really sit, think, and reflect on this it seems crazy.  My HOPE is in Christ and is not found in the craziness of my little world.  It's true, people!  Crazy.

Last night, I snapped this picture of the boys.  

They were so happy when I picked them up after school.  We came home and jumped on the trampoline together for an hour.  Jaxon said, "This is like my best dream come true.  I love our family so much."  It definitely doesn't erase the hard times, but it makes them a tiny bit easier.  That's it for the sappy, mommy-blog post.  Join me in praying that more mommies out there fight the guilt and embrace their hope in Christ.  Happy Thursday.

Why the blog?

I have started to realizing that blogging your personal and close-to-the-heart journey is kinda hard.  Like, a lot harder than I thought it would be.  There is constant tension inside of me...should I share this?  Is this too much?  Will people care?  Do I care if people care?  I have wrestled lately with why I write this blog.  Originally, I wanted it to be a place for our families and friends to stay up-to-date on our journey.  That slowly transitioned into a desire to be a place for other adoptive families to find help and encouragement on their own journeys.  Then of course, there is always the, I-don't-want-to-forget-the-details-of-this-journey reason for writing.  More than anything, I have realized I just want people to know our story.  Adoption seems scary.  I recently read a statistic that said something like (I'm sorry, I don't remember the exact numbers or source) over 50% of Americans consider adopting while only 2% of Americans actually do.  It's scary, people!  Where do you start?  How do you beat the paperwork game?  How in the world do you come up with an extra $35,000?!  How do you interact with birthparents?  How do you explain adoption to your child?  My hope for this blog is that people read our journey--a regular family from Kansas, trusting God for the big things, and doing it--and find it just a little bit less scary.  Thanks for reading and praying for our journey!

Big Brothers!

Wondering what the boys are thinking about being big brothers???

Hahaha!  In all seriousness, they are super excited!  Well, at least Jax is...and we tell ourselves that Hudson is (even though he can't quite communicate that with us yet).  When we found out we were pregnant with Hudson, Jaxon was convinced he was getting a little sister.  So much so that he convinced most of us that there was indeed a little girl on the way.  We didn't find out the gender of the baby, but we all felt pretty sure that it was a girl.  Needless to say, it took a little bit of adjusting to when Hudson popped out and was actually a boy!!!  This time around, he was a little bit smarter about things and would make comments like, "I know God is the only one who really knows if I am getting a sister or a brother, but I REALLY hope he gives me a sister!"  Here was his reaction to finding out he really does have a baby sister on the way...

Thanks for praying for Baby Girl!  Would you add her big brothers to the prayer list?  They will have quite a bit of adjusting to get used to here in a couple months :)

Adopt Together

In an effort to run one last BIG adoption fundraiser, we have started an AdoptTogether page.  Straight from their website, AdoptTogether says this:

AdoptTogether is a non-profit, crowdfunding platform that bridges the gap between families who want to adopt and the children who need loving homes.
At AdoptTogether, our vision is to live in a world with no more orphans-- a family for every child. Whether you’re a family who wants to adopt or a future donor, you’re a big part of turning this vision into a reality. 

Visit our page at https://www.adopttogether.org/lovechoseyou.  If you feel led, please feel free to share it with others via Facebook, Twitter, or email!

As a THANK YOU for your donations through AdoptTogether, we would like to offer the following for each level of donation:
$10--a personalized thank you card from the big brothers for helping bring their baby sister home
$25--the FIRST PEEK at our first photo as a family of five (and a card)
$50--a LOVE print specially designed by Aunt Kelsey (and a family photo and a card) 
$100--a heart necklace handmade in Kosovo//the outer heart is copper and the inner heart is silver//symbolizes that EVERY baby grows in our HEART (and a card)
$150--a heart necklace and a LOVE print (and a card)$200--a heart necklace, a LOVE print, a family photo, and a card 

Details about the necklace:

This is a beautiful, hand crafted, fair trade heart pendant made with classical technique (AKA: a hammer) in Kosovo.  The outer heart is copper and the inner one is silver.  The chain has a silver outing.  This is a beautiful symbol of adoption, motherhood, or love as you picture the love growing in your heart.  These necklaces were donated to us by a sweet family that is currently fostering to adopt 3 children in Atlanta, GA after journeying through their own God-ordained adoption story.  

Details about the prints:
Each print will be printed as a 5 x 7 photograph and send via mail.  You can also choose to have the digital file emailed to you if you would rather.  Please choose from the following designs. 

Song of Solomons

I love you

Winnie the Pooh

Black Chevron

 

Together

Small Things

love

Love You Forever

World

Adventure

All You Need

BIG NEWS!!!

We thought it was the right time to go ahead and share our BIG NEWS here on the blog!  We have been matched with a birthmom and are expecting a little girl at the end of March!  We are so excited and still processing what it might be like around here with a GIRL!!!!  Our birthmom, I will call her Miss L on the blog, is from Cincinnati and we have talked on the phone once and done a little bit of emailing back and forth.  She is very sweet and confident about her decision to choose adoption. 

We were officially matched with Miss L on January 2nd...what a great way to ring in the new year!  We shared the news with our families, but felt like it might not be best to go public with anything until we had talked to Miss L.  There was something about that phone call that seemed similar to making it past the first trimester in a biological pregnancy.  The anticipation of that call was a bit of an emotional roller coaster.  We rescheduled 2 different times before we were able to connect with Miss L.  Our social worker reassured us that this wasn't abnormal and happens more often than we probably thought it did.  Turns out she had gotten hit with the flu pretty badly and was trying to catch up on sleep.  We were finally able to talk to her on January 13th and it was so great!  Yes, it was definitely awkward at times, but overall it was so reassuring to be able to talk to her and get to know her a bit.  She was very curious about what it is like in Kansas and we tried really hard to convince her it wasn't all farms and tornadoes out here!  We spent this week sharing the good news with the people we wanted to share it with in person before sharing the news publicly online.  

We have a couple of really specific prayer requests to share with you:
-Please pray for Miss L!  Pray for her health, her heart, her family, and anything else that is laid on your heart.  
-Pray for baby girl!  We don't have many medical records, so there isn't anything specific other than her general health.  
-Pray for our finances.  I will share a more in-depth post about our finances, but we still need to raise about $7,000.

Thanks for joining with us in this journey!  We couldn't do it without you!

God's Mysterious Plan

"No one is exempt from trials and tribulations. In fact, this is often what happens to people God loves very much, for it is part of God’s often mysterious and good plan for turning us into something great." -Timothy Keller

I read this quote yesterday morning and the timing couldn't have been more perfect.  Yesterday was supposed to be a big, exciting, momentous milestone in our adoption journey.  Instead, it was sad, disappointing, and frustrating.  We were supposed to be on the phone with people who will be very monumental as we move forward in our journey, but instead we were left with an unanswered phone call and questions that couldn't be answered (along with Pinterest, listening to Serial, and doodling to fill the silence).

A couple hours later, this is what our life looked like as Hudson and I waited at the emergency room for them to stitch up his lip.

It was so sad, because he was terrified all night.  He would cry at even the littlest things, like when the doctor tried to listen to his lungs.  There was a long list of initial possibilities, including the need for a plastic surgeon to repair the lip, an ENT specialist to fix the mouth and ruptured gums, a broken nose and/or cheekbone, and a concussion, all of which were narrowed down to only needing 3 stitches on the lip!  

At the end of the night, I was desperately wishing for a direct line to ask God what His purpose was for our day.  Why the missed phone call?  Was everything okay?  Why the ER visit and added costs to our already non-existent budget?  It made me start to feel a bit defeated.  And then I kept hearing this verse of one of my favorite songs on repeat in my head...Satan is vanquished and Jesus is King!  It was a beautiful reminder that Satan was doing his best to get us down.  As we venture forward and get closer and closer to bringing our baby home through adoption, he must be feeling a little antsy.  But ultimately, I must believe in God's Mysterious Plan and trust that He will turn this all into something great.  I ended my night fervently praying against his attacks and clinging tightly to the hope that can only be brought through Jesus.  Will you join me in that prayer?  Specifically will you join me in praying for quick healing for Hudson, miraculously small medical bills, and peace as we move through the next few days with our agency?  

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big day for us.  I can't wait to share more, but until then will you pray for us?  My nerves are going crazy, and I know I'm not the only one!  Thanks friends.  Stay tuned for more news coming soon...