Our Journey to Kyson, Part 2--Getting to Detroit

Sorry (again) for the delay, but like I said in the last post...life has been a bit hectic around here!  

After talking to the social worker, and hearing all the sweet details about Baby Boy M, we took about 2 minutes on a private phone call between Kirby and I to decide that we were in!  We both frantically wrapped up what loose ends we could at work and rushed home!  I remember walking into my principal's office and mumbling something about a baby born in Detroit...and we were going to go get him...and yeah, this is real and this is crazy...and I'm shaking so much I don't even know what is going on.

Part of what made this afternoon a bit less crazy (if that was even possible), was that we had just prepared ourselves for this trip 3 weeks earlier.  We had all the baby stuff ready to go, I had lists written out of what each of us needed to pack, and we had plans pretty much put in place for what would happen with our 2 older boys.  The one kink in the plans was that most of that baby stuff we had packed was PINK!  I quickly unpacked the pink, left anything that I thought would pass as boyish, and grabbed the big plastic tote we had stored in the basement labeled NEWBORN with baby boy clothes in it.  We had to print, sign, and notarize papers to send back to the adoption agency.  Those papers, along with a check, had to be put in overnight mail.  We had to sign and pick up our tax papers.  Somewhere in there the lawyer called and let me know that our driver's licenses had our old address on them, but our homestudy was done in our new house.  So, add to the list going to the DMV to get a change of address for our licenses!  You know in the movies, when a woman goes into labor and everything goes crazy after that?  We never experienced that when I went into labor with our 2 older boys.  I guess God didn't want us to miss out on that opportunity.  It was so crazy, and our minds were going 100 miles a minute, I remember at one point Kirby just pulled over the car, looked at me, and asked, "Where am I going now?  What is going on?"  We had to trade out my friends' vehicle that I drove home from work for our vehicle that was parked at her apartment complex.  While we were there we gave the big boys big squeezes, showed them a picture of the baby, and told them we were going to Detroit to see if this is the baby God wants to be in our family.  We were very careful to assume that this was going to be their baby brother...remember, we had just gone through major heartbreak and couldn't do that to them again.  

Once all was settled on the homefront, we ventured off on our 13 hour car ride to meet our newest son!  We left town a little bit before 5:00 pm and arrived in Detroit just after 6:00 am (local time).  The drive through the night was pretty much a blur.  Kirby probably got about 2 hours of sleep early morning when I took over to drive.  I'm pretty sure my adrenaline was running so high that I couldn't sleep.  

We called the social worker to let her know we had made it to town and she told us to, "hold tight."  At this point, we knew the baby's birthmom wanted a closed adoption and no contact with us.  We had been told that we would have to wait for her to be discharged before we could go to the hospital.  Here we are, in a city unknown to us, feeling lots of crazy emotions, and it is 6:00 in the morning!  Check back soon to find out what we did to kill our time...

Our journey to Kyson, part 1--THE CALL

I'm sure you have heard the news by now that WE ADOPTED A BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY!!!  Kyson Chance LeMoine was born on April 20th and was in our arms on April 22nd.  

The story is a crazy one that I have spent a month processing and trying to recover from!  I am sorry to have left so many of you hanging without details to the story, but life has been a bit hectic around here!  Without further ado, here goes my attempt to tell the craziest story of my life...

Tuesday morning (April 21)
I was at work at the elementary school that I work at, in the middle of state testing one-on-one with a kiddo.  For those of you not in the world of education, state testing is a pretty stinkin' big deal.  I noticed my phone vibrating and American Adoptions was showing up as the caller.  I didn't think too much of it, thought it was probably just our social worker calling to check in.  I had sent an email yesterday begging for details on how many expectant families we had been shown to and if there might be any leads on a match.  My impatient self was having a hard time with the fact that we had been reactivated for a whole two weeks without hearing anything (trust me, in hindsight I fully see how ridiculous I was being).  I was also in the middle of state testing and couldn't exactly just pick up my phone.  A few minutes later I noticed a call coming in from the hubs.  Hmmm, I thought to myself, something might just be happening with our adoption.  A few seconds later I get this text from Kirby: CALL ME NOW.  Adoption.  

Instantly, I knew something was really happening with our adoption.  In my mind, I was thinking we had probably been matched with a new expectant mom; I never dreamed they had the news they did.  Eventually we got to a point where the student I was working with could take a break and I quickly called Kirby.  He told me that he had set up a conference call with the agency for us at 11:15.  They had called him and said they had, "exciting news that we should both be on the phone for."  I finished up that day's testing with the student I was working with and quickly sent him back to class.  There was a meeting happening in my classroom, so I frantically searched for an empty room to make this oh-so-very important phone call.  When we got on the phone with the social worker she said, "Well, there was a baby boy born last night in Detroit and the birthmom has chosen you.  Are you interested in hearing more details?"  OF COURSE WE WERE INTERESTED IN HEARING MORE DETAILS!!!!  

Sad news

Friends,
For those of you who have not heard the news...it is official that we lost Baby Girl.  This news became final as of today, which is why I waited a bit to post anything.  After one of the longest weeks/weekends of our lives we talked to our social worker last Monday and settled on a plan.  We reactivated our profile, in an attempt to possibly be shown to other birth parents, with the understanding that we were still "on hold" for this specific opportunity until today.  The agency shared with us that they like for adoptive families to remain available for a week past the due date in case the birthmom comes back into communication.  Sadly, ours did not :(  We have asked the agency to let us know if they ever find out what happened, but we don't really anticipate ever having a clear answer.  There is really nothing else to describe the whole situation than to say it is all very strange and we will probably never fully understand what happened.  We spent the better part of last weekend crying and losing ourselves in movies.  This past week was easier than the week before.  We were no longer waiting through every minute of each day and felt good about the decision to reactivate and move on.  I think we are moving through some of the natural stages of grief and maybe at some point I will be able to process my thoughts to put together a post on what that looked like for us.  For now, we are so so so sad to have lost Baby Girl but we are excitedly praying for the next baby and birth parents that God will bring our way.  We are so thankful for the love and support of all of you through this hard time and hope we have better news to share soon.  
As always, thank you for joining us on this crazy journey and praying for each step of the way!

Another quick update

In an effort to keep you all updated, I want to write today and let you all know that there is still no news to report.  Miss L's phone still appears to be turned off and no one has spoken to her since last Tuesday.  The social worker was able to talk to her mom yesterday who simply said she would deliver the message that we are trying to reach her.  

We have felt like our social worker's are gently trying to prepare us for the fact that this Baby Girl might not be meant to be ours.  It is a fine balance as we try to prepare our hearts for that, yet continue to hold out hope that Miss L will choose adoption for this sweet baby.

We continue to hear of more and more people praying for this journey and couldn't be more grateful!  More than anything else, we continue to hold onto our HOPE found in Christ...He is the only thing we can be sure of in this crazy world!  Our biggest prayer requests at this point are:

-for the baby.  Please pray for her health and safety and sweet little soul as she enters a BIG world!

-for Miss L.  Pray for her heart, for her delivery, and for her to feel support as she makes the next steps in her journey.

-for us.  While we continue to cling to the fact that God is in control, we are sad.  

THANK YOU for praying friends!!!  

No news

No news, is not always good news. There is nothing new to report after today. Miss L is still unable to be reached. It has been confirmed by the hospital that she has not given birth as of yet. We believe that the next time we hear anything will be when/if she chooses to contact us when she goes into labor. So, we keep waiting and keep praying and keep believing that the Lord has a very specific plan in mind for this baby girl.

A Quick Update...

You guys are amazing!  The love we felt from all of you after the last post was overwhelming!

Early this morning, I was all prepped and ready for my biopsy when the doctor came in and said he saw nothing he could really see being worth biopsying!  He said the cysts and the nodule that he saw in my thyroid are all benign and there was no need to do the biopsy...YAY!  I will follow up with another doctor to address the enlarged thyroid, but nothing SCARY for now!  Praise the Lord!

In the meantime, no one has been able to get in touch with Miss L today.  We continue to pray that she is safe, healthy, and taking care of herself and the baby.  While we feel confident that our social workers are doing everything they can to make contact and take care of her, our emotions are starting to take over (well, at least mine are!).  In the words of one of the social workers this morning...I think we are all highly concerned but "haven't hit the panic button yet."

Thanks for praying with us...

Great Plans

Friends, 
This week has been a struggle.  You see, I had it all planned out.  Baby Girl would make her arrival on Tuesday, March 10th.  Friday, March 13th at the latest.  Surely she would be born before Spring Break.  That was the week we had as built in time off work (not to mentioned PAID time off).  Well, obviously that didn't work out as planned.  Moving on to Plan B.  Miss L would go to her doctor's appointment on Friday, March 20th and schedule an induction for Monday, March 23rd.  That plan may be playing out, but at the moment no one can get ahold of Miss L.  It seems like maybe her phone has been shut off, leaving her without access to make phone calls or send emails. AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  
And, to throw a wrench in all of my plans, I have faced a bit of scary medical news this week.  On Monday of this week (the 16th), I went in for an ultrasound on my thyroid.  I have been experiencing some weird pain in my throat for several weeks and the doctor thought it might be my thyroid.  After my bloodwork came back normal, I figured the ultrasound was just a cautionary measure that would also come back normal.  Instead, the doctor saw several large and questionable cysts on my thyroid.  I am scheduled to go in for a biopsy this coming Monday (the 23rd) to see if the cysts are cancerous or benign.  
So, as perfect as my baby plans had been in my head, they wouldn't have allowed for any of this thyroid mumbo jumbo to even be discovered.  It may be nothing or it may be something scary.  
Needless to say, my emotions have been all over the place this week.  I have been anxiously awaiting news on Baby Girl, trying to make lasting memories with my boys before their sister arrives, and wondering if I might possibly have something a little bit scarier than spiky bouncy balls in my throat.  I have really had to rest in the truth that God's plan is WAY better for us than my plan.  His plans are GREAT plans.  Plans to prosper us and give us a HOPE and a FUTURE.  
Thanks for continuing to pray for our journey!  We will keep you updated as we have news.
Cara

Still waiting...

Have you been anxiously awaiting a post with the big news that Baby Girl is on her way?!  US TOO!  Waiting patiently is getting harder and harder!  I have kept it pretty quiet in blog land because, honestly, there hasn't been too much to update you all on.  I have been reminded over and over that God's plan is way better than my plan (no matter how perfect I think I have planned it all out)!  
Miss L (Baby Girl's tummy mommy) reached 38 weeks in her pregnancy yesterday...we never thought she would make it that far!  We learned a couple weeks ago that she is supposed to see the doctor 3 times a week.  We think that might be due to her high blood pressure and some other factors that put her a high-risk pregnancy.  She had also told us that her other kids had all been born 2-3 weeks early.  And then, factor in that Kirby and I are both on Spring Break with a built in week off of work, and we were just sure we would be in Cincinnati this week!  But, we're not.  And we are trying to embrace the time here with our boys and our last days as a family of four.  
Will you pray for us while we wait?  Here are some specific prayer requests:
-pray for patience and peace for Kirby and I while we wait
-pray for Miss L as she goes through these last couple of EXHAUSTING and emotional days of pregnancy
-pray for Baby Girl's health
Thanks friends!  And stay tuned...hopefully we have good news soon!

50 Things We Have Learned About Adoption

So, we are still really early in our journey and this long road of adoption, but in honor of being 50 days from Baby Girl's due date, here are 50 things we have learned about adoption so far:

1.  There is no way you can do it on your own.

2. The homestudy is not as scary as you think it will be!

3.  It's crazy expensive.
4.  The timing is definitely not yours.
5.  You have to believe in the bigger picture.
6.  It is easy to become disillusioned.
7.  Even though your friends and family WANT to get it, most of them don't (and can't) really get it.
8.  Start your grant paperwork EARLY!
9.  Paperwork takes over your life.
10.  No one cares more than you, be an advocate for yourself, your family, and your future child.
11.  You have a chance to share a beautiful journey with a lot of people.
12.  Your heart will break more than you thought possible.
13.  You will cry when you least expect it.
14.  Be prepared for not knowing things you feel like you are entitled to know.
15.  In EVERY step of the way, trust that God knows the details.
16.  It isn't easy explaining adoption to a 4 year old.
17.  In a lot of ways, your 4 year old might understand adoption better than your adult friends and family!
18.  Don't EVER abbreviate birthmom to BM :)
19.  Apparently, the correct terminology for birthmom is actually expectant mom.
20.  It takes a village...lean on your community!
21.  The wait time from being matched to meeting your baby is HARD!
22.  The hardest part (for us) was deciding what kinds of situations we would open ourselves up for.
23.  Let people be excited for you!
24.  Don't be discouraged when they aren't excited for you.  
25.  Be willing to be an open book...you will get LOTS of questions.  (just to clarify...we LOVE this part of it!)
26.  Pray lots and lots and lots!
27.  While you are entitled by law to a maternity leave, it will most likely be unpaid.  Be prepared.
28.  Facebook adoption groups are a wealth of good information.
29.  Fundraising is a touchy subject.
30.  It is tough knowing how much of your baby's story to share with others.
31.  Your greatest joy is someone else's greatest sorrow.  This will be harder than you think.
32.  Lots of opportunities will be presented in which the baby (or child) has birth-siblings.
33.  You will learn more about drug and substance abuse than you ever wanted to know.  
34.  People's generosity will blow you away!
35.  You will become best friends with the refresh button as you anxiously await new email updates!
36.  Nesting will be an extremely strange experience.
37.  Your heart will skip a beat every time you see the phone number to your agency show up on caller id.
38.  Hearing other people's adoption journeys will be a much needed inspiration.
39.  Baby showers feel a bit awkward, but are very much appreciated!
40.  Your heart will be burdened in a way you never imagined.
41.  Your marriage will reach a whole new level.
42.  You will realize that you are definitely not the hero, but you will be excited to be a part of the rescue.
43.  Your pennies will be pinched TIGHTLY in an effort to save everything you can to put towards your adoption.  
44.  There will be many times you wish you could claim "pregnancy brain."
45.  People's fears and confusions about adoption show up in lots of different ways.
46.  The line between being available and being overbearing is hard to figure out as you develop your relationship with your baby's tummy mommy.
47.  People are important...find the ones who support your journey and let them in!
48.  Be excited and available to walk through other people's journey with them...adoption is great!
49.  The journey is exciting, terrifying, and every emotion in between.  
50.  We really have no idea what we are doing!

**We are actually only 43 days away from Baby Girl's due date, but this post took me a lot longer to process and write than I thought it would!

Thanks for praying for our journey!

Mommy Freak Out

"Just stop being so CRAZY and obey me!"  Tears instantly started streaming down my oldest son's face as I literally yelled in his face.  And then tears instantly started streaming down my face.  We quickly looked at each other and he jumped into my arms for a big hug.  

This week has been ROUGH in our house!  An allergic reaction to food dye for our oldest and early terrible twos for our youngest have led to moment after moment of mommy (and daddy) frustration.   To the point that 2 nights ago I proclaimed, "We have got to do something different!  Our parenting is leading to this?!  We cannot do this anymore.  Changes must be made!"  

Mommy guilt is a real thing.  I know I'm not singing a new tune here, but it hit me in a new way this week.  It is times like this I really need to remember to preach the Gospel to myself.  My mothering is not faultless.  My kids are not perfect.  My house is a wreck (have you ever been to our house?!).  My marriage suffers.  Yet when God looks down at me, He doesn't see any of this.  He sees His perfect image reflected in me.  Wow.  When I really sit, think, and reflect on this it seems crazy.  My HOPE is in Christ and is not found in the craziness of my little world.  It's true, people!  Crazy.

Last night, I snapped this picture of the boys.  

They were so happy when I picked them up after school.  We came home and jumped on the trampoline together for an hour.  Jaxon said, "This is like my best dream come true.  I love our family so much."  It definitely doesn't erase the hard times, but it makes them a tiny bit easier.  That's it for the sappy, mommy-blog post.  Join me in praying that more mommies out there fight the guilt and embrace their hope in Christ.  Happy Thursday.

Why the blog?

I have started to realizing that blogging your personal and close-to-the-heart journey is kinda hard.  Like, a lot harder than I thought it would be.  There is constant tension inside of me...should I share this?  Is this too much?  Will people care?  Do I care if people care?  I have wrestled lately with why I write this blog.  Originally, I wanted it to be a place for our families and friends to stay up-to-date on our journey.  That slowly transitioned into a desire to be a place for other adoptive families to find help and encouragement on their own journeys.  Then of course, there is always the, I-don't-want-to-forget-the-details-of-this-journey reason for writing.  More than anything, I have realized I just want people to know our story.  Adoption seems scary.  I recently read a statistic that said something like (I'm sorry, I don't remember the exact numbers or source) over 50% of Americans consider adopting while only 2% of Americans actually do.  It's scary, people!  Where do you start?  How do you beat the paperwork game?  How in the world do you come up with an extra $35,000?!  How do you interact with birthparents?  How do you explain adoption to your child?  My hope for this blog is that people read our journey--a regular family from Kansas, trusting God for the big things, and doing it--and find it just a little bit less scary.  Thanks for reading and praying for our journey!

Big Brothers!

Wondering what the boys are thinking about being big brothers???

Hahaha!  In all seriousness, they are super excited!  Well, at least Jax is...and we tell ourselves that Hudson is (even though he can't quite communicate that with us yet).  When we found out we were pregnant with Hudson, Jaxon was convinced he was getting a little sister.  So much so that he convinced most of us that there was indeed a little girl on the way.  We didn't find out the gender of the baby, but we all felt pretty sure that it was a girl.  Needless to say, it took a little bit of adjusting to when Hudson popped out and was actually a boy!!!  This time around, he was a little bit smarter about things and would make comments like, "I know God is the only one who really knows if I am getting a sister or a brother, but I REALLY hope he gives me a sister!"  Here was his reaction to finding out he really does have a baby sister on the way...

Thanks for praying for Baby Girl!  Would you add her big brothers to the prayer list?  They will have quite a bit of adjusting to get used to here in a couple months :)

Adopt Together

In an effort to run one last BIG adoption fundraiser, we have started an AdoptTogether page.  Straight from their website, AdoptTogether says this:

AdoptTogether is a non-profit, crowdfunding platform that bridges the gap between families who want to adopt and the children who need loving homes.
At AdoptTogether, our vision is to live in a world with no more orphans-- a family for every child. Whether you’re a family who wants to adopt or a future donor, you’re a big part of turning this vision into a reality. 

Visit our page at https://www.adopttogether.org/lovechoseyou.  If you feel led, please feel free to share it with others via Facebook, Twitter, or email!

As a THANK YOU for your donations through AdoptTogether, we would like to offer the following for each level of donation:
$10--a personalized thank you card from the big brothers for helping bring their baby sister home
$25--the FIRST PEEK at our first photo as a family of five (and a card)
$50--a LOVE print specially designed by Aunt Kelsey (and a family photo and a card) 
$100--a heart necklace handmade in Kosovo//the outer heart is copper and the inner heart is silver//symbolizes that EVERY baby grows in our HEART (and a card)
$150--a heart necklace and a LOVE print (and a card)$200--a heart necklace, a LOVE print, a family photo, and a card 

Details about the necklace:

This is a beautiful, hand crafted, fair trade heart pendant made with classical technique (AKA: a hammer) in Kosovo.  The outer heart is copper and the inner one is silver.  The chain has a silver outing.  This is a beautiful symbol of adoption, motherhood, or love as you picture the love growing in your heart.  These necklaces were donated to us by a sweet family that is currently fostering to adopt 3 children in Atlanta, GA after journeying through their own God-ordained adoption story.  

Details about the prints:
Each print will be printed as a 5 x 7 photograph and send via mail.  You can also choose to have the digital file emailed to you if you would rather.  Please choose from the following designs. 

Song of Solomons

I love you

Winnie the Pooh

Black Chevron

 

Together

Small Things

love

Love You Forever

World

Adventure

All You Need

BIG NEWS!!!

We thought it was the right time to go ahead and share our BIG NEWS here on the blog!  We have been matched with a birthmom and are expecting a little girl at the end of March!  We are so excited and still processing what it might be like around here with a GIRL!!!!  Our birthmom, I will call her Miss L on the blog, is from Cincinnati and we have talked on the phone once and done a little bit of emailing back and forth.  She is very sweet and confident about her decision to choose adoption. 

We were officially matched with Miss L on January 2nd...what a great way to ring in the new year!  We shared the news with our families, but felt like it might not be best to go public with anything until we had talked to Miss L.  There was something about that phone call that seemed similar to making it past the first trimester in a biological pregnancy.  The anticipation of that call was a bit of an emotional roller coaster.  We rescheduled 2 different times before we were able to connect with Miss L.  Our social worker reassured us that this wasn't abnormal and happens more often than we probably thought it did.  Turns out she had gotten hit with the flu pretty badly and was trying to catch up on sleep.  We were finally able to talk to her on January 13th and it was so great!  Yes, it was definitely awkward at times, but overall it was so reassuring to be able to talk to her and get to know her a bit.  She was very curious about what it is like in Kansas and we tried really hard to convince her it wasn't all farms and tornadoes out here!  We spent this week sharing the good news with the people we wanted to share it with in person before sharing the news publicly online.  

We have a couple of really specific prayer requests to share with you:
-Please pray for Miss L!  Pray for her health, her heart, her family, and anything else that is laid on your heart.  
-Pray for baby girl!  We don't have many medical records, so there isn't anything specific other than her general health.  
-Pray for our finances.  I will share a more in-depth post about our finances, but we still need to raise about $7,000.

Thanks for joining with us in this journey!  We couldn't do it without you!

God's Mysterious Plan

"No one is exempt from trials and tribulations. In fact, this is often what happens to people God loves very much, for it is part of God’s often mysterious and good plan for turning us into something great." -Timothy Keller

I read this quote yesterday morning and the timing couldn't have been more perfect.  Yesterday was supposed to be a big, exciting, momentous milestone in our adoption journey.  Instead, it was sad, disappointing, and frustrating.  We were supposed to be on the phone with people who will be very monumental as we move forward in our journey, but instead we were left with an unanswered phone call and questions that couldn't be answered (along with Pinterest, listening to Serial, and doodling to fill the silence).

A couple hours later, this is what our life looked like as Hudson and I waited at the emergency room for them to stitch up his lip.

It was so sad, because he was terrified all night.  He would cry at even the littlest things, like when the doctor tried to listen to his lungs.  There was a long list of initial possibilities, including the need for a plastic surgeon to repair the lip, an ENT specialist to fix the mouth and ruptured gums, a broken nose and/or cheekbone, and a concussion, all of which were narrowed down to only needing 3 stitches on the lip!  

At the end of the night, I was desperately wishing for a direct line to ask God what His purpose was for our day.  Why the missed phone call?  Was everything okay?  Why the ER visit and added costs to our already non-existent budget?  It made me start to feel a bit defeated.  And then I kept hearing this verse of one of my favorite songs on repeat in my head...Satan is vanquished and Jesus is King!  It was a beautiful reminder that Satan was doing his best to get us down.  As we venture forward and get closer and closer to bringing our baby home through adoption, he must be feeling a little antsy.  But ultimately, I must believe in God's Mysterious Plan and trust that He will turn this all into something great.  I ended my night fervently praying against his attacks and clinging tightly to the hope that can only be brought through Jesus.  Will you join me in that prayer?  Specifically will you join me in praying for quick healing for Hudson, miraculously small medical bills, and peace as we move through the next few days with our agency?  

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big day for us.  I can't wait to share more, but until then will you pray for us?  My nerves are going crazy, and I know I'm not the only one!  Thanks friends.  Stay tuned for more news coming soon...